Message Boards for the CF Trust

Replies: 6 Pages: 1

Jockey

Posts: 2
Registered: 09-Nov-2006

Not so good...
Posted: 06-Dec-2006 23:39

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Folks, I'm not doing so good. I've had a really bad couple of months and am starting to feel very...odd. Basically, most of you will know how much my riding means to me; back in September my horse got an injury that he may never recover from. If he doesn't, I'm going to have to have him shot. Then, I started seeing this girl. She was real hard work,but I started to really care for her. Then, within 24 hours, my mum was told she had cancer and I was told I was diabetic.

Following on from that, my mum had surgery, and 3 days later my girlfriend dumped me because she couldn't cope with it all. Since then, my mum has been told she will have to have chemo and will loose all her hair, and I have to keep seeing this girl every day because she looks after my horses, which is how we met.

My work is also very stressful, and because of other people not doing their jobs properly, I'm having to work much more than I should and don't seem to be getting anywhere. I'm regularly leaving work after the MD has left.

Now none of this is good, but over the last couple of weeks I have noticed I seem more chesty than normal. So far this week, I have thrown up twice because of mucus etc... in the mornings, today actually all over my horse when I was riding him. Also, I have started drinking quite heavily again. I know I am doing it, but just don't seem to care,and that REALLY worries me.

I have had the opportunity to have another relationship since the other one went south, but just didn't want to bother. I usually cope with pressure ok, but am starting to find myself feeling less bothered about anything. Ending it all has even popped into my head on more than one occasion, tonight being one of them. I have even realised than Christmas is creeping up on me,and I don't really feel anything about it. And I love Christmas!! It just all seems....flat.

*Laura*

Posts: 97
From: Warrington, Cheshire
Registered: 15-Mar-2004

Re: Not so good...
Posted: 06-Dec-2006 23:49

Reply

Eep! Sounds like you're having a really tough time. I'm sorry to hear about your mum. Is there anyone on your CF Team that you could talk to? I find chatting to the psychologist on my team quite helpful. I know it won't make things better but it might take away some of the strain - and it sometimes help just to share it with someone else and hear their views.

I really hope you manage to get things sorted - well as much as is possible. And I hope you have a good Christmas

Laura xxxx

Emmie

Posts: 34
Registered: 06-Nov-2006

Re: Not so good...
Posted: 07-Dec-2006 00:07

Reply

Hi my friend
So sorry to hear how tough things are. Just wanted to send some hugs your way and say I'm thinking about you.
Take care and I hope that tomorrow seems a little brighter for you.
Emma x

annemac101

Posts: 28
From: glasgow
Registered: 12-Feb-2004

Re: Not so good...
Posted: 07-Dec-2006 00:31

Reply

Sorry you're having such a bad time .Sometimes we feel we are just being given too much to cope with at once but when other people depend on us we somehow manage to keep on going .Your mum needs you to help her through her illness,your horse needs you too as animals sense the people who love them .You need to look after your own health too and don't let any sign of an infection go untreated .A girlfriend who is "hard work" isn't worth having .If your feeling you can't cope talk to your cf team or gp .Drink may make you feel better for a while but you end up feeling worse .Hang on in there for the people who love you and please try and talk to someone face to face .Anne

Phillippa

Posts: 42
From: Durham
Registered: 06-Nov-2006

Re: Not so good...
Posted: 07-Dec-2006 13:46

Reply

Hi,
That's weird I was just thinking I hadn't seen you on here for a while.
I'm so sorry you're going through a sh*tty period, can you not have a few days off (go on release the responsibility!) You need to get yourself right.
Horses are surprising creatures and their ability to overcome unsurpassable odds never fails to amaze me, stay positive, as for the ex, I think you're better off without. It's not supposed to be hard work!!
I'm sure your Mum wants you well and she's probably worried about you aswell as what's happening to her. Try and get yourself sorted and I'm certain your Mum will reap the benefits from having you there, fit and well.
Thinking of you,
Phillippa x

giant sand

Posts: 2
From: London
Registered: 07-Dec-2006

Re: Not so good...
Posted: 07-Dec-2006 15:02

Reply

Hi Jockey

I don't normally write meesages on this board, but your message definitely hit a nerve.

It must be awful that you mother has cancer. While my problems dwarf in relation to this, I'm having a really bad time too. Work has seemed like all too much for one reason or another, then I was diagnosed with diabetes a month ago, and now I have a suspected hernia, and had to spend seven hours on A&E last night.

Also I've been single since the end of last year, and any attempt to find someday else hasn't been too successful.

The pressure just feels immense at the moment, and, like you, I just feel like going out and getting totally smashed - either that or lying in bed all day.

I've always coped well with my CF, but the last couple of months have been hell.

Anyway Jockey, you're definitely not alone - althougth it must seem like you are.

If you want a chat here's my email address: dhillgsand@hotmail.com

All the best

Dan

Lil Raver

Posts: 73
From: ma house
Registered: 08-Nov-2006

Re: Not so good...
Posted: 09-Dec-2006 01:27

Reply

Hi Jockey,

I hav jst read your post, i am sad to read it, i now wat your goin through with your mum, your not alone if u want to talk am on msn most nites my addy is Jhunstone@hotmail.co.uk

Take care m8t

James H.

Message was edited by: Lil Raver