Message Boards for the CF Trust

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Lora M

Posts: 2
From: North east
Registered: 23-Nov-2006

Guy trouble!
Posted: 03-Dec-2006 19:21

Reply

Just wanted to say thanks to those few who replied to my post a few weeks ago. Felt like I'd been initiated!!

Been feeling kind of down lately cause boyfriend suddenly told me he didn't think we should see each other anymore, not even as friends - literally just days after we'd had a chat n he said he loved me and always wanted to be there for me. I'm a little freaked out by this now - he was the only guy I've been with who not only didn't care about the CF, but actively got involved with it. Miss that feeling of "yeah he likes me for me", and not all that sure Im gonna find it again anytime soon. Lets face it, most lads my age notlukn for a girl who they have to be serious with sometimes. And I can't exactly just have idol fun cause I've got the responsibility of my health now. It's all on me. ARGH I hate having to be sensible and mature about stuff. It sucks! lol!

But seriously - is this what it's going to be like? Any guy I meet is going to run a mile when I tell him Why exactly I have responsibilities? Is it always going to stop me from finding one of them nice guys that I read about somewhere?! Help - I know this isn't exactly the point of this forum, but it's hard to explain the worry and the feeling to my friends who don't have CF (obviously!)

Lora xx

ros

Posts: 31
From: Cambridge
Registered: 06-Nov-2006

Re: Guy trouble!
Posted: 03-Dec-2006 19:39

Reply

This is totally a justified topic for the forum! Non PWCF just don't get the relationship issues CF generates, or at least non of my mates do! They always tell me I am over reacting.... I suppose they know all about it now and are used to me now so don't think its a problem.

Anyway, I know just what you mean. I split up with my last boyfriend 6 months ago cos I did not want to move to London and he did not want to move out of it, and for ages I felt like I would never meet anyone else who cared about me despite the CF. I still sometimes feel just like you, that guys are not usually looking for someone with a serious genetic disorder and all the baggage that entails, and if they are then they are weird and scary stalker types!

But take heart not all guys or girls are like that, and there are people out there capable of looking past our CF. And lets face it no one is 100% perfect, maybe their baggage/issues/problems etc are less serious than ours, but everyone has some. Also if the guy/girl does run a mile, and some of them will, trust me its better that they do as they will only let you down and are probably totally immature commitment phobics and thats not what you want in a partner at all!

I still love and really miss my ex, and it'll take some more time yet before I want to go out and meet someone new, but there are people out there who are capable of appreciating me and you, despite our CF. So I guess just try and stay positive and remember its his loss not yours.

I hope that helps a bit,
big hugs

sandylizz

Posts: 97
From: Shrewsbury
Registered: 10-Nov-2006

Re: Guy trouble!
Posted: 03-Dec-2006 20:52

Reply

Hi There,
Im 25 and have been married, now seperated but not for cf reasons..

Before I met my Ex I think I behaved the same way as everyone my age.. Went out met guys, dated some, only ever mentioned the Cf once we had been together a little while unless they already knew through friends.. I never let it effect my relationships and just had fun!

When I got together with my husband I told him when we had been together 3 months and it didnt change anything at all.. Ok so I take medications and do physio but when I was reasonably healthy it all fitted round my life fine and so i didnt reaally effect boyfriends..

Once I had told him he came with me to appoitments and even started to nag me if I didnt do treatment properly lol..
So dont worry you will meet someone and i cant see why Cf will affect that as you are the person you are not CF.. If once you tell them they change how they feel about you, you should ask yourself were they worth it in the first place...
Keep your chin up and have some fun looking...

xx Sandyxx

Message was edited by: sandylizz

Tim Davies-Moss

Posts: 145
From: Shropshire
Registered: 06-Nov-2006

Re: Partner trouble!
Posted: 03-Dec-2006 23:05

Reply

i think only fellow CF'ers will ever fully understand what we go through and how hard a single day can be

and there is catch 22... can't live with em.. can't live without em

Lizzie83

Posts: 44
From: Manchester, UK/ Connecticut, USA
Registered: 06-Nov-2006

Re: Partner trouble!
Posted: 04-Dec-2006 05:29

Reply

I have a horrific track record with men. Some have ignored my CF and were completely unsupportive (didn't visit me when very ill in hospital), some have overprotected me and another was completely perfect...he understood completely. In all cases it never ended because of CF, but cos men are jerks haha (i'm not bitter at all

). I've heard plenty stories of unsupportive partners (both men and women) in terms of CF though, thing you can take from that is....they're not worth it then! But i also know there are some very special and amazing people out there who are there for you in everyway and love the person for them...until the very end. I love speaking to them, they give me hope. However if there is one left, i'm gonna get him okay?!! hehe

Lizzie xxx

spanglophile

Posts: 100
From: Sunny Norfolk
Registered: 09-Feb-2004

Re: Guy trouble!
Posted: 04-Dec-2006 12:54

Reply

I've been with my chap for nearly three years. He's fantastic, but not that keen to take an interest in my CF. I see that as a bonus, as I don't want CF to take over my life, and it means I have to be responsible for my own health. I'd hate to label my chap as my carer.
If the time came when I was really unwell or in hospital, I'm sure he'd be there for me, but while I can do it all myself, I'd much prefer to keep that part of my life seperate where I can.

Before I met my other half, I bounced from boyfriend to boyfriend, some of them so cloying i could hardly spend 30 minutes without them mentioning CF, and others so negative I could hardly mention it.

There are some fabulous people out there, and one day you'll find him. It took me a good few years of trial and error!