Message Boards for the CF Trust

Replies: 6 Pages: 1

sally 1

Posts: 128
From: oldham
Registered: 09-Nov-2006

denial
Posted: 01-Dec-2006 17:51

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My son, Tom, aged 17 has just moved to adult services and is also depressed. I don't know if the two are related but I think he is finding it hard facing up to being an adult with cf and all that brings. The adult unit seem to talk more bluntly about stuff he has not known about before eg bleeding in the lungs. And know with all the gordon Brown hype I'm quite worried about him. He absolutely won't even read the boards...prefers me not to use them. Any ideas.

sal

anita

Posts: 31
From: west midlands
Registered: 07-Nov-2006

Re: denial
Posted: 01-Dec-2006 17:59

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It is a hard time for some when they move to adult clinic.

my daughter to found there very blunt words a little abrupt at first in fact they were treating her with the respect of an adult so just let him come to terms with the move and be there if he needs to talk thats all you can do at 17 its a very strange age not really a man but looked on as if they are.

be patiant[s] and kind and just be there.

DimBloke

Posts: 102
Registered: 11-Nov-2006

Re: denial
Posted: 01-Dec-2006 18:01

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I think we all go through periods of denial. My teens were definitely like that. I just didn't want to know about CF (not sure I do now!

).

My instinct is to say try and ride with it unless his denial is affecting his compliance with medication / looking after himself / keeping up with college work and friends. But on the other hand, depression in teens can be more serious than family and friends realise.

Is there anyone that you think he would talk to? Teams usually have a psychologist on board but it's probably unlikely that he'll want to pop along for a chat.

L.k.

Posts: 36
From: Wales
Registered: 09-Nov-2006

Re: denial
Posted: 01-Dec-2006 18:21

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Hi Sally,
Sorry to hear Tom's feeling down. Moving to Adult services is a big thing and talking about ones feelings is something no seventeen year old male does. Just try being normal and quietly do things you know will cheer him up. You are his mum and you will know if he gets too down. I think your Tom is doing his A2's. I found this created a lot of pressure on my eldest two (21 and 20)and they became touchy and quite down.

My Tom has just had his first stay in Hospital as an adult. He was in an isolation cubicle on a surgical ward where the staff never came in to see him because they were far too busy. Don't misunderstand me they were lovely when he did see them but it was only once or twice a day and if I was gone for more than half an hour he was demanding to know where I was etc.
He isn't a confident boy and he doesn't communicate well. I was hoping the ward would have some young adults in the same boat and that the staff would be use to dealing with CF patients but this wasn't the case. Tom became quite miserable but I just ignored it and treated him as I normally do and now we are home he is a lot brighter.

He has also been told today by college that he can't sit an exam on Tuesday because he's missed too much of the work, he's been trying to catch up but he is special needs and they don't want him to fail so he is very quiet again. All I can do is cook his favourite tea and say never mind you'll get another chance in March.

It totally sucks being a parent doesn't it Sally. i don't know if this will help but I do understand your concerns.

Hugs L.K.

*Laura*

Posts: 98
From: Warrington, Cheshire
Registered: 15-Mar-2004

Re: denial
Posted: 01-Dec-2006 19:13

Reply

Sally - I know Tom has just transferred to Wythenshawe. Has he spoken to anyone there about how he feels? It might be worth him talking to Helen - she is the team's psychologist. I've spoken to her about stress/mood/cf issues many times - she's very friendly and approachable.
I know what you mean about the adult team are quite blunt about CF - however, I'm the opposite to Tom as I appreciate this. I hated it when docs didn't tell me exactly what the problem was or didn't tell me things because they thought it would upset me.

L.K. - is your Tom not able to go on a specialist CF ward when he is admitted?

edit: Just wondering, you said Tom doesn't like using the message boards but does he use msn? If he ever wants to chat my email is in my profile and I'd be happy to chat to him

Message was edited by: *Laura*

sunseasand

Posts: 74
Registered: 10-Nov-2006

Re: denial
Posted: 01-Dec-2006 21:02

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Hi sally, I know what you are going through with Tom. I have a son age 14 and he is exactly like your Tom. He hates talking about cf, just groans and mutters a "yeah or no," if I ask him if he has done his treatment, he sounds a bit like harry enfield-fred and Perry I think it was called. He also seems very down and depressed, he does not communicate with us much and is just on his MSN most of the time when he is not doing loads of homework. Not sure what is going on at school half the time I sometimes wonder if he gets any problems with other kids. He does not tell anyone at school he as cf and will not eat all day at school, so he does not have to take creon. He now says when they can drop a subject at school he is going to drop Biology so he does not have to sit there listening about cf, even though he enjoys Biology and he is good at it. I ask him if he would like to talk to other kids on this site and he said "No way I don't want to know nothing about cf, I'm sick of it!" He also sally does not really like me going on here. Are you a bit like me sally, where you feel you just don't know what to do anymore to make him happy? He does not want to talk to doctors or anyone about how he feels. I really worry about his emotional development. from sunseasand.

sally 1

Posts: 128
From: oldham
Registered: 09-Nov-2006

Re: denial
Posted: 01-Dec-2006 22:04

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thank you everyone for your full and kind replies. We are hoping he will talk to the psychologist. We have also got a personal trainer for him. It costs a bloody fortune but he has some money invested from when his great grandma died just for this sort of thing and I'm hoping improved fitness and endorphins will help. I guess I hate to see Tigger unbounced. Tom is not a "down" sort of person normally. I can see he is unhappy. I wish i could do more. I sorted out his notes for him today and cleared up the chaos of his room so he feels more "in control". or maybe so I feel more in control! Anyway...
I'm really touched you all replied so quickly. Thank-you

Message was edited by: sally 1